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The goal is just to not have to listen to her go on about your mother, and as long as you’re getting off the phone in time, that counts as a success. 50/50 custody straight down the middle. Support payments are based on your income and assets at the time the agreement is set and typically can be hard to alter unless there is a material change in your ability to keep up. With co-workers, especially, you have the grounds to say, “You need to stop talking about my body, and I hope you don’t say these things to our clients or other people in your life.”, • Send questions for publication to email@example.com. My renters insurance is 30 a month - This is reasonable. Lisa Karges, Florida Resident Partner - Tampa, FL. I am a 29-year-old woman who is fat. ex refuses to workWhat if the ex states she “refuses” to get a job (in writing) and to make “side money” does constant yard sales (ads caught of the sales). This is very much in line with the other responses I’ve gotten about this letter—the letter writer’s husband isn’t just trying to make sure their community only knows his side of the story, he’s trying to make sure his wife doesn’t have any outside information on what she’s entitled to. You brought the child into the world and many of the childl's needs are your responsibility. • Join the live chat Mondays at noon. the idea of the “intact family” and what they WOULD have had is simply a false premise set up with the concept of CS, largely because the beneficiaries are women. Your child's wellbeing comes first. Once I stayed at home to get him to an appointment, and he became very hostile and violent in refusing to go. Join Yahoo Answers and get 100 points today. Summer vacations and holiday parenting time, http://www.mediate.com/articles/if_they_can_do_parenting_plans.cfm, Cordell & Cordell Virtual Town Hall Emphasizes the Importance of Strategy in Divorce Cases, Cordell & Cordell’s Virtual Town Hall Highlights Dirty Tricks in Divorce, Cordell & Cordell to Host Virtual Town Hall on September 17, Click here for a full listing of offices nationwide. Are you?”, Maybe a local domestic violence shelter doesn’t have a robust corporate human resources department, but surely there are companywide policies about things you should never say to clients. Or are you driving a gas-guzzler? Your father is no longer a psychiatric nurse and there is no immediate danger to any vulnerable patients, so your only moral duty at present is to give yourself some time and space to process this shocking, sudden news. To whatever extent you’re able, stay relatively calm and cheerful when you do so as not to give her grounds to start an argument over your tone. But you can always change the subject after that with, “I’m ready to stop discussing my body now. If it’s just a matter of keeping your head down for another couple of weeks, I don’t think you should worry overmuch about “genuinely” forgiving him so much as remaining professional and getting back to your normal responsibilities. It may take some time to put things in place but you can do this. (Questions may be edited.). What can I do or not do? Daniel Mallory Ortberg, Slate’s Dear Prudence, is co-founder of the Toast and the author of Texts From Jane Eyre and The Merry Spinster. IF YOU ARE A MAN, YOU WILL NEVER BE TREATED FAIRLY IN A FAMILY COURT! It was high-stress and I struggled with coping with the long hours and solo parenting while my husband was out of town for long stretches, and I was later diagnosed with postpartum anxiety. It’s ludicrous, insane and totally upside down. How selfish is that? You’ve run out of free articles. What’s a good reason to kick a guest out of your home . With your income, you are paying way too much on a car. But don't blame the child for this situation. Your email address will not be published. This leaves no money for my mortgage and no food for my current wife, 3 year old, and 1 month old son. No one else is going to pay for your child that is your responsibility. It may be that part of you already feels guilty or ashamed for having any residual feelings of tenderness or affection for your own father, and I hope you can remind yourself that loving your father is not a moral choice—you were a child when he committed those crimes, you never knew about or tried to excuse them, and contemplating having a conversation with him about those crimes is not the same thing as offering him absolution. I shouldn’t resent her for this.” Because of the courts ruining my fatherhood experience, I have nothing but regrets for having ever had a child in the first place. I was 20 at the time and she was 21. Andrea Miller is a Staff Attorney in the Charlotte, N.C., office of Cordell & Cordell, P.C., where she practices domestic relations exclusively. Child support my be lawful but taking garnished wages is unlawful. She wants more and more of my income as I start making more money. I Can’t Afford to Leave My Husband. The current situation is this: Men/Fathers who are divorced are GUILTY of everything they stand accused of, until they take the time, money and energy away from more important things like parenting and working, to prove they’re NOT guilty. I had to do this twice last week. I wish I can become a dead beat like her but the courts will hold me to an earning capacity. Fight or flight? At least look into changing your living arrangement once you lease is up and maybe get a 2 bedroom with a roommate. Nell wants to play family fixer and get me to reconcile with our mother. Child support is based off both parents incomes as well as custody, so if you make about the same as your baby mama and have your child 50% of the time you would not be ordered to pay 30% of your income as child support. Yes, you should help out with food and school related expenses, but jesus, $2,000 a month and she’s remarried!? HSD, Your email address will not be published. It has information on Minnesota’s child support guidelines called “Income Shares.” Remember, this booklet is a guide and is not meant to answer all questions. Daniel Mallory Ortberg: Good morning, everyone! Daniel Mallory Ortberg is online weekly to chat live with readers. I have been divorced for over three years now and have about one year remaining for my child support obligation. You might want to consider moving closer to work, so your gas usage goes down, and reduce your fuel needs. It’s not necessarily going to get her to stop right away, and that’s not really the goal (much as you might want it to be). why do you have such an expensive car? It is infuriating that men continue to be beaten over the head with lawsuits to increase child support while the courts stand by like a suited goon with a baseball bat to enforce this extortion! A friend of mine got divorced and she and the husband decided the husband would take an apartment near the ex-wife's residence. As for me, I’m fighting for shared physical custody, but I have a family court judge who has stated in open court both that she I am going to pay the full, guideline amount of child support because I am not going to be allowed to become a ‘deadbeat’, and that ‘children belong with the mother’. Best interest of the child? You can sign in to vote the answer. Nobody forced you to have a child. If I occasionally need a little space to work alone or to catch up over email instead of in-person, I hope you can understand that. To some it may not be a lot, but for me its ridiculous, i pay her 850 to watch my kids for 2 weeks while i work, my fiance would do that for free. You can find an old clunker but it will cost you in reliability and repairs. I don’t want to cut them off like I had to do my mother; that was an emotional amputation to save my soul. and partially because it was an offhand sexist comment delivered at the exact wrong time when I was insecure about everything, from how good I was at my job to my qualifications as a mother. We also get the kids half the week and buy all school stuff they need. 455 a month in insane and 230 a month insurance is also insane. Maybe it’s her hormones but I honestly don’t know. Time for MASSIVE CHANGEI believe we must band together, join legal forces and getting a massive and swift movement started to turn the judicial system around on these issues of fathers who work, keep 50% custody, pay for EVERYTHING, and can get penalized simply because the childrens mother decides to VERBALLY say she is owed money without ANY due diligence done on the part of the state. When she felt I was old enough to know, my mom told me that my dad had been a psychiatric nurse but was fired for having an affair with one of his patients, and that this was the main reason they had separated. Do I have a say in how child support is being used?Generally, the paying parent does not have any say in regards to what child support is being used for so long as the child is being provided for. I have since gotten myself fixed so I can NEVER have another child! Q. Keep in mind however, that you must offer into evidence that fact that the children’s needs have changed to warrant a modification. If you reach a point where you think you simply can’t continue working with him, I think it’s worth telling your boss and asking to be reassigned before you reach a breaking point and actually burn that bridge. You should now think of what's best for them. So, you change your life to get your expenses down. This also helps the parents as if they can get along with an ex they can get along with most anyone. A. I adore my children; they are everything to me. Your rent is also very high for a 2000 a month in come. They did things together as a family when the situation called for this and later when the mom and dad had new people in their lives they brought these people into the group. Get a cheaper place to live. • Call the voicemail of the Dear Prudence podcast at 401-371-DEAR (3327) to hear your question answered on a future episode of the show. Your income cannot support rent of more than $700 a month. A. He has to consent to treatment, but he won’t.
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